There is something incredibly satisfying about making a meal out of whatever you have.
Money seems to be a huge concern lately. I feel like God's highlighting it specifically this week, like He's saying, "Still trust me? Now? Now? Do you?"
It has been increasingly frustrating, however, having to watch friend after friend after friend get engaged. We had planned on being engaged by now, but had to put our dreams on hold when Allen's dad passed. It's understandable, it would have been a huge insult to go ahead with it regardless of the tragedy. But now the financial end of that trial is whipping Allen as if he's never been on top of his finances (this is sarcasm, Allen is a bigger workaholic than I am). It's even more frustrating when they started dating after Allen and I, infidelity is known, or they've been on and off for years. Judgmental. I know. But it's really hard not to become increasingly discouraged with each engagement. My best friend just texted me after reading about two others' engagements to tell me that her and her boyfriend are recently planning on being married next fall. When Allen and I were planning on getting married. And they've been dating seven months less than we have.
Again, I get it. Length of said relationship does not dictate the severity and strength of said relationship. It cannot testify to what one is feeling called to do. But I'd be misrepresenting my spiritual boot camp here if I didn't say that I called Allen crying after I received the text. It hurt. I was mad at her, mad at God, mad at everything and everyone. I was also on my period, which I now refer to as "Shark Week" (see link).
It's stretching me, it's growing me, but is also exhausting me. Allen finally ceded to the idea of getting my engagement ring at an estate sale or pawn shop. We argued for a long time about it; he was worried it wouldn't be good enough for my parents, or that some day I'd be embarrassed to wear it. He now understands that I am just not a fan of the rings being produced in popular jewelry stores, they're not my style, nor do they go with anything I own, and I like things that have a story. He admitted that buying an expensive ring for me was a pride issue. I admitted that wanting a cheap ring was to rush the process of getting into his pants. We compromised, him agreeing to look through pawn shops, antique stores, and estate sales, and me allowing him to make the final search, decision, and purchase. All is well.
Money seems to be a huge concern lately. I feel like God's highlighting it specifically this week, like He's saying, "Still trust me? Now? Now? Do you?"
It has been increasingly frustrating, however, having to watch friend after friend after friend get engaged. We had planned on being engaged by now, but had to put our dreams on hold when Allen's dad passed. It's understandable, it would have been a huge insult to go ahead with it regardless of the tragedy. But now the financial end of that trial is whipping Allen as if he's never been on top of his finances (this is sarcasm, Allen is a bigger workaholic than I am). It's even more frustrating when they started dating after Allen and I, infidelity is known, or they've been on and off for years. Judgmental. I know. But it's really hard not to become increasingly discouraged with each engagement. My best friend just texted me after reading about two others' engagements to tell me that her and her boyfriend are recently planning on being married next fall. When Allen and I were planning on getting married. And they've been dating seven months less than we have.
Again, I get it. Length of said relationship does not dictate the severity and strength of said relationship. It cannot testify to what one is feeling called to do. But I'd be misrepresenting my spiritual boot camp here if I didn't say that I called Allen crying after I received the text. It hurt. I was mad at her, mad at God, mad at everything and everyone. I was also on my period, which I now refer to as "Shark Week" (see link).
It's stretching me, it's growing me, but is also exhausting me. Allen finally ceded to the idea of getting my engagement ring at an estate sale or pawn shop. We argued for a long time about it; he was worried it wouldn't be good enough for my parents, or that some day I'd be embarrassed to wear it. He now understands that I am just not a fan of the rings being produced in popular jewelry stores, they're not my style, nor do they go with anything I own, and I like things that have a story. He admitted that buying an expensive ring for me was a pride issue. I admitted that wanting a cheap ring was to rush the process of getting into his pants. We compromised, him agreeing to look through pawn shops, antique stores, and estate sales, and me allowing him to make the final search, decision, and purchase. All is well.
Still, I feel it gnawing on the back of my mind. I feel like an adult in a child-sized relationship. We have a home, we have jobs, we have simplistic but sufficient security (food, clothing, utilities)...the only thing we lack is the ability to pay for some societal baubles and a ceremony.
When I get angry lately, I have to cook something. I don't always eat it. A lot of the time I store it for lunch for work the next day. But I feel the need to prepare something, anything. Use my resources in a productive way. This waiting for something I can't fix makes me feel like I'm not a good enough Christian woman. I feel like every other unmarried Christian woman I've met is constantly saying, "Oh, some day. I'm content in the waiting. Resting in God is so very satisfying." All I want to respond with is, "Allow me to call you on your bullshit."
I don't think I can chop these onions any smaller.
Where do you see God working?
Patience. Always patience.
What do you hear God saying?
"You're out of onions. Now what?"
How do you see God working?
Giving us alternatives, prompting people to give Allen extra work.
