It's easy to underestimate who God made you to be.
I retreat, and very quickly. Like a cowardly ninja.
Upon my arrival to seminary I was extremely exited...and petrified. The idea of my ignorance being revealed is possibly my greatest fear. I am no brilliant theologian, nor am I advanced in years to credit any "wisdom" I may happen upon and luckily regurgitate in some eloquent fashion. This idea fastened itself soundly to my heart as I met others in my classes who, now thinking about it, could have very well been worried about the same things. But in my clouded lens, they all appeared to be intellectual adversaries of whom I had to conquer...one by one...systematically, and with a reassuring "Christian" smile.
In confessing my fears to Allen, Janèe, Dougal, and others, they reassured me that, while others may be stuck in their doctrine, argue and condemn, look down on the younger student (i.e. me), that God put me here for a reason, that honesty is all I could offer, and that it was up to me to then be honest rather than "right," whatever that looked like.
So I set mind and focused on being just that: honest, not "right." I continued on with my studies, and instead of balking at an idea I would receive that would be contrary to a strongly promoted idea of one of my peers, I would offer it, humbly, but honestly. And if I saw another student's idea that I found compelling, I would tell them so and thank them for it, whether I agreed with it in the end or not. It's an intimidating place to be, where they ask you to send your very soul's conviction into a ring of others', seeing which survive. Some people have grown up with a very specific, laid out foundation; I was lucky enough to have to create one myself, via trail and error. Thank God the Spirit led me to solid people and convictions.
Somehow, in the process of learning how to do this, today someone told me I actually changed their way of thinking about some pretty hefty theological reasoning. My mouth fell open; this man had run the Bible college odyssey, was a fair bit older than me, and had a thorough knowledge of theologians and their claims. It would not have surprised me if he could have performed the entire Bible as a theatrical monologue. And he was telling me that I changed his thinking. God is showing me how to listen, so his message can be spoken through me. Wow.
Needless to say, things are looking up.
Where do you see God working?
In my time; He's making me more and more aware of how I'm spending it, pushing me to get things done way ahead of time so I can actually enjoy the free time He is blessing me with.
What do you hear God saying?
"Wait. Rest. Restore."
How do you see God working?
Giving me motivation, running alongside me, highlighting exactly what I need to see, and, in doing so, making homework an exciting task, of all things.
I retreat, and very quickly. Like a cowardly ninja.
Upon my arrival to seminary I was extremely exited...and petrified. The idea of my ignorance being revealed is possibly my greatest fear. I am no brilliant theologian, nor am I advanced in years to credit any "wisdom" I may happen upon and luckily regurgitate in some eloquent fashion. This idea fastened itself soundly to my heart as I met others in my classes who, now thinking about it, could have very well been worried about the same things. But in my clouded lens, they all appeared to be intellectual adversaries of whom I had to conquer...one by one...systematically, and with a reassuring "Christian" smile.
In confessing my fears to Allen, Janèe, Dougal, and others, they reassured me that, while others may be stuck in their doctrine, argue and condemn, look down on the younger student (i.e. me), that God put me here for a reason, that honesty is all I could offer, and that it was up to me to then be honest rather than "right," whatever that looked like.
So I set mind and focused on being just that: honest, not "right." I continued on with my studies, and instead of balking at an idea I would receive that would be contrary to a strongly promoted idea of one of my peers, I would offer it, humbly, but honestly. And if I saw another student's idea that I found compelling, I would tell them so and thank them for it, whether I agreed with it in the end or not. It's an intimidating place to be, where they ask you to send your very soul's conviction into a ring of others', seeing which survive. Some people have grown up with a very specific, laid out foundation; I was lucky enough to have to create one myself, via trail and error. Thank God the Spirit led me to solid people and convictions.
Somehow, in the process of learning how to do this, today someone told me I actually changed their way of thinking about some pretty hefty theological reasoning. My mouth fell open; this man had run the Bible college odyssey, was a fair bit older than me, and had a thorough knowledge of theologians and their claims. It would not have surprised me if he could have performed the entire Bible as a theatrical monologue. And he was telling me that I changed his thinking. God is showing me how to listen, so his message can be spoken through me. Wow.
Needless to say, things are looking up.
Where do you see God working?
In my time; He's making me more and more aware of how I'm spending it, pushing me to get things done way ahead of time so I can actually enjoy the free time He is blessing me with.
What do you hear God saying?
"Wait. Rest. Restore."
How do you see God working?
Giving me motivation, running alongside me, highlighting exactly what I need to see, and, in doing so, making homework an exciting task, of all things.
